I’m Alive!

I’m so sorry that I haven’t been around in awhile.  I’ve started grad school and it’s keeping me majorly busy.  The courses are only eight weeks long so they are very accelerated and therefore, create a lot of work.  My first class consisted of two or three reading assignments, four homework assignments, and a test per week.  That’s a lot for someone who works full-time and tries to have a bit of a life, too!  But I made it through and have started my second class this week.  I’m hoping that this one will be less work!

The biggest news that I have right now is that this week, I made a pretty major change.  Or, I will have one in a year and a half.  I feel very brave for doing this, but also very scared and insecure.  Remember on Sex and the City when Miranda got braces?  Well,  I got braces this week.  I’m almost thirty and I got braces.  Unlike Miranda, I plan on keeping them on for as long as I have to and not get them taken off because they make me feel unattractive.  I got my top braces on Tuesday and I go back next week to get the bottom ones.  They hurt, I can’t eat solid foods yet, and I feel horrible about getting them at my age.

But, on the up side, I will have pretty teeth in a year and a half.  And, I actually only have to wear the bottom ones for eight months so I’ll have them off before this Thanksgiving!  I bought a new blender and am learning to be pretty creative with my smoothies.  I’m thinking of opening a smoothie shoppe.  Or possibly a smoothie shoppe/bookstore/shoe store/studio where I can teach classes on how to best practice your slaying abilities a la Buffy the Vampire Slayer style.  I wonder what the market would be for such an item.  Hmm.

The best thing about the tragedy that now resides in my mouth is that I really feel that people will see the braces and think I’m a lot younger.  Like, say 22 or 23.  Of course, no one has fallen for that one yet, but I remain hopeful just the same.  And it’s possible that once upon a time, Buffy the Vampire Slayer had braces, too. 

The top braces are clear.  They hurt incredibly badly right now, but I’m told it gets better.  But the clear braces don’t seem to be as noticeable.  After the orthodontist talked me into choosing the clear braces for the top versus the metal ones and  put them on me, then his assistant tells me that I can’t have red wine, mustard, or curry or it will stain them.  Come on!  No more pinot noir?  No more chianti or shiraz?  I feel like they tricked me as I might have considered not getting them if I had known this.  You all know that I’m a sucker for a pinot noir.  And that’s all I seem to crave since I found out I couldn’t have it.  Sigh.  I guess I’ll have to learn to like white wine.  Anybody have any suggestions for a not-too-expensive good white wine? 

I’m also worried about how I look with the braces.  I’m not sure if men date 29 year old women with braces.   Any thoughts on this one?  I worry that I am missing out on my chance to meet people and find someone to settle down with if a) braces are a huge turn-off to men or b) I go into seclusion because I am terrified of being rejected because of the braces.  Such is life, I suppose. 

So that’s the story of Beth and the braces.  Stay tuned for the fun braces stories that will no doubt follow with this interesting new development of my new tooth bracelets.

To the One That I Wish Things Could Have Worked Out With

I truly want you to be happy.  I know that you were never really mine, but sometimes I felt as if you were.  I’m incredibly sorry that it’s over.  I only just ended it  yesterday and I already miss you.  But we both know that it was the right thing to do.  You couldn’t love me that way that I loved you. 

I hope that one day you find a girl whom you can look at the same way that I looked at you.  I hope you can find a girl who makes you as happy as you made me.  I hope she can laugh with you and cry with you.  I hope you know what it’s like to wake up next to someone and feel utterly content and at peace.  I hope that she doesn’t make you have”serious talks” after a few drinks like I had the tendency to do.  I hope she can cook because goodness knows that I can’t, despite all my best efforts.  I hope that she laughs at your jokes.  Even at the ones that aren’t funny.  I hope that if you choose to tell her about our history, she will still let us be friends.  I can’t imagine my life without you.  I hope she’s beautiful on the inside and on the outside.  I hope she realizes that she’s got the best man that I’ve ever known.

I wish it could have been me, but since it couldn’t, I wish everything for you and your future love that I wished for you and me. 

The Story of Beth and the Dragon Named GMAT

The story of Beth and the dragon named GMAT is not a fun story, but yet I feel that it is one that must be told.  So let me start from the beginning (which is a very good place to start according to Maria in the Sound of Music).

 Picture this:  It’s 5:30am.  The alarm on my cell phone goes off.  I halfway sit up in bed.  Isadora is spooning with my legs.  I feel bad about making her get up.  So I hit snooze.  Twice.  (It’s all the cat’s fault, really!)  I get up at 6, hop in the shower, and get dressed.  I play one turn of Scrabulous with Brandy (who, by the way, totally rocks at the game) and then I am out the door.  It is 6:45am. 

The test starts at 8, but they said that  you could arrive 30 minutes early.  And I planned to be early.  Because if you arrive 15 minutes late, you cannot take the test and you lose your $250.

At 7:10, I am pulling off to the exit ramp.  The test center is only one mile from the exit so I feel as if I am making good time.  But up ahead, I see a lot of traffic.  I mean, a lot.  Cars are barely creeping.  As I get closer, I see that the road is blocked off.  There was a wreck and are now making everyone turn right.  The only problem is that I need to go left.  But I go left because I have to.  Cars are moving so slow.  It’s 7:28.  I call the testing center to tell them I’ll be late.  They say it is okay to be a little late because there are two wrecks. 

Hmm, I think.  I’ve only seen one wreck.

It is bumper to bumper traffic.  I wonder what would happen if I just drove across the median and in the grass around the wreck.  Would the cops stop me or would they be too busy?  Would they give me a ticket, let me go and send me straight to jail without passing go.  I am not sure.  So of course, I don’t do that, but I did enjoy entertaining the idea.

 Finally I get turned around and am getting closer to the testing center.  But the road is still blocked.  I ask the cop what to do.  He gives me directions for a backroad detour.  It’s 8am.  So I follow them.  But the detour turned me into the second wreck.  And the road was closed.  And this time the cops made this detour go back to the interstate.  Heading the opposite direction.  Both side of the road are closed.  The testing center was in between the two wrecks.  No one is getting through.  It is now 8:30am.

I am furious.  I call the testing center.  They tell me that they will try to still let me come, but they can’t promise.  If I am too late, then I can’t take the test.  And not only will I lose my money, but I will also lose my chance for grad school in the Spring because this is the last test of the year.  They give me more backroad directions.  The directions are wrong and I end up in the middle of nowhere.  I am cursing at every slow car in front of me.   It is now 8:50 am.

 So I call them again.  By this time I am crying and having a panic attack.  I am wishing that I didn’t quit smoking because I cannot remember ever wanting a cigarette so bad in my life.  I consider just buying a pack of cigarettes, smoking half the pack and blowing off the test.  I probably can’t make it anyway. 

 But I don’t.  I stop at a gas station and ask for directions.  I feel like Burt Reynolds in Smokey and the Bandit as I tear up the interstate to get back.  I had no idea that my little truck could go so fast.  I find a detour that works and I finally get there.  It is 9:20.  And I have been in the car since 6:45 am.  And I should have been there at 7:30 because the test started at 8:00.

I am so frazzled and upset.  The testing offered me (and all others taking the test that day because no one could get in ) a chance to reschedule for free.  I had to decline because I had to take it today to get in next semester.

So I am upset from the fear of possibly ruining my entire future career, I am wired from a wicked case of road rage (why I was I the only person on the road who knew how to drive this morning?), and I have to pee like a banshee.  Or a Russian race horse.  And I feel I will answer the two test essay questions in curse  words because after all the road rage and drama. these are the only words that I wish to come to mind.  Over the course of the morning, I have probably cursed at 50 cars.  These are not the best conditions in which to take a four hour life altering test.

I tried, but I felt distracted.  This was not my best work.  In the end, I scraped by.  I didn’t do fantastically-i-am-a-genius-well, but I did well enough to be accepted.  I spoke to the admissions rep from my school after the test and they accepted me tentatively pending on receiving the official score in a few weeks.  I just got an unofficial score today.

So it was not a good morning, I didn’t do as well as I could have, but at least I did well enough and am now officially going to get my MBA.  That’s my story and I am sticking to it.  Because, seriously, no one can make this stuff up.

The Final Countdown

The engines are started.  It’s T minus 11 hours until it’s GMAT time for Beth.  Thanks you to everyone who wished me good luck.  And I promise that when it’s all over, I’ll get back to blogging/reading/commenting.  And participating in memes.  (Sorry, Kelly!)  Thanks for hanging in there with me.

 Beth

P.S.  I probably need to update my blogroll so if you are not on there, but want to be, let me know. 

The Facebook Craze

First of all I want to thank everyone for their kind words and thoughts during my grandfather’s surgery.  He is doing well; it’s just a slow recovery.

 Second, I will probably be MIA again for a few weeks.  I am taking the GMAT in two weeks so I’m really trying to buckle down and study.  I’ll be back after the GMAT, I promise!

 And lastly, I think that I could very easily become addicted to Facebook.  I joined a few months ago, but never really got into it.  But recently, I been checking it out and it seems pretty cool.  And addictive.  So if any of you fellow blogging buddies are on Facebook, then let me know because I want to be your friend.  You also might have to let me know how to find you because I’m not too sure about how to search for people.   So leave me a comment or email me at pinklaceandpearls@gmail.com  if you want to stay anonymous and tell me how to find you.  Or I’ll tell you how to find me-that might be easier!

 Have a great Monday!  Oh- and if anyone has heard any updates about the writers’ strike, please fill me in.  I’m in agony without The Office!

Life Update

Hey, guys!  I haven’t been around as much as I would like latley and I’m sorry.  I’m going to be out-of-pocket a little while longer.  There’s been a family emergency and I’ll be out of town for a little while.  I am hopeful that everything will be okay.  My grandfather is having emergency open-heart surgery this morning.  It was totally not planned and I am pretty scared.  I am going to try to work through the day since he does not live in the same town as I do.  By the time I found out yesterday afternoon, it was really too late for me to make arrangements for the cat and drive there.  He probably would have been asleep before I got there.  He has lots and lots of other family there.  I would have liked to been there though.  I am going to leave in the morning for my parents’ house.  Tomorrow morning at 7am, I am getting Isadora’s claws trimmed because my mother doesn’t want her in her house with sharp claws because she tears up the furniture.  (Believe me, I understand- I used to have a leather couch!)  I need to stop at my mechanic’s and have him replace my battery.  The old one has just about had it and I don’t think it can stand the trip.  And I don’t want to be stuck on the side of the Interstate with Isadora.  After that, I am hopping in the car and driving the distance to my parent’s house/the hospital.  Well, that’s the plan, anyway.  I haven’t asked off work yet, but I feel sure that it will be fine.  Please pray that my grandfather’s surgery goes well and that he has a swift recovery.  I promise I will catch up on all of your blogs when I return.

Thing I Have Wondered Today Pertaining to Jell-O

1.  What would happen if I put all of a certain co-worker’s office supplies in Jell-O?  Would it be funny or are those things only funny when they happen to Dwight Schrute?  My boss is more like Angela than Michael so I probably should not do that.

2.  Would it be funny if I gave my fellow Office addict cousin a Christmas gift  inside a pretty  Jell-O mold?  Again,  Jim Halpert and I may be the only people who think this is funny.

3.  I don’t even know how to make Jell-O.  It’s squishy and I don’t like how it feels in my mouth.  So I have never made it.  Is it hard?  (That’s what she said.)

4.  About four years ago, I bought a package of Jell-O for a recipe that I never used. It’s still in my pantry.  I wonder if it’s still good.

5.  Bill Cosby used to promote a product called Jell-O pudding pops.  And they were sooo good.  I would really like one of those right now.  Why did they stop making those?

My wallpaper on my work computer is Dwight Schrute, sitting at his desk with his calculator in Jell-O.  I see the Jell-O and then off I go into a weird tangent of Jell-O related ideas.  It’s just one of those days.

Passwords

If you want the password, email me at pinklaceandpearls@gmail.com.  Or leave me a comment here with your email address.  If I have ever commented on your blog before or you have ever commented on mine, I will give you the password.  If I don’t know you through this wonderful world of blogging that we share, then I probably won’t give it to you. 

Protected: Back to Square One

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The More You Know…

This morning while surfing the Internet, I came across an important topic that is not widely discussed due to reasons unknown to me. I feel as if it my duty to bring up this subject and make everyone aware of the reality. This seems to be a subject that people shy away from, possibly because they are afraid or maybe just uneducated about the matter. I hope that this post will enlighten you. Knowledge is power and knowing how to react in these situations could save your life. Just ask Dwight Shrute.

Please click on the following link and read this article. You may have to scroll down the page a bit before the article appears.

What to Do When Ninjas Attack by Dwight Shrute

A ninja attack is a very serious matter and should not be taken lightly. You must be aware of how to protect yourself. Dwight Shrute so concisely told us how to protect ourselves in previously mentioned article. That Dwight is a smart, smart man.

So, to summarize Dwight and add a bit of my own thoughts:

1. Check your ceilings for hiding ninjas. This is a good hide out for them. Also a good hide out for bats as well. And as any good Office fan knows, it IS possible to turn into a vampire from a bat bite. This is not just a rumor. So spread the word. Once this gets out, I feel sure that vampire slayers jobs will be opening up everywhere. And you all know how much I want to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer when I grow up. Forget computer and IT jobs; the next new hot job is going to be vampire slayers. And I will be the first in line.

2. Good offense is key. Also, you need armor. I’m not really sure where to purchase armor these days, but I’m sure there is a website out there somewhere that specializes in ninja-proof armor. This should be a necessity in every one’s closet. You will never have a fat day when you are wearing armor. It will hide your muffin top and your jiggly thighs. It could be a girl’s new best friend.

3. Always keep your taser on hand. This is the best defense against a ninja. Leave your nun chucks, crossbow, brass knuckles, She-Ra sword, and such in your desk drawer at work. Your taser is your best defense. An added bonus is that the taser will fit nicely inside your handbag as the crossbow tends to be a bit bulky and brass knuckles do not go well with silver jewelry.

4. Let the ninja know that you are on to him. When walking into a new location like a bar, the hot new restaurant across town, or even the grocery store (hey-ninjas have to eat, too!), please sure to yell loudly so that everyone can hear that there is a ninja on the premises and you have just taken away his main asset-the element of surprise. No one will think you are strange after they realize that you have just saved their lives from a deadly ninja attack. They will probably back away slowly from you and not look you in the eyes as a sign of respect.

5. Finally, remember that ninjas are hired. So if you have one after you, obviously you have pissed someone off. It would be wise to question the ninja after you taser him. Discover who is initiating these attacks. And remember that ninjas have loyalties but can likely be swayed to your side with the bribe of money, big screen TVs, or homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Sarakastic, I hope this helps you on your quest. The more you know, the easier it will be to find one. Just remember to check the ceilings!